I think I’m afraid
Or maybe just in pain
Because I left my thoughts untamed
My anxieties unnamed
And myself to grow insane.
“Everything I wanted has left me”
Is what I said to keep my self pity
Even when I became the key
That unlocked my safest everything.
So I filled the hole with a newer form
By saying “it was my fault all was torn”
All because I always needed something to mourn.
As exhausting the obvious can be
I’m still reaching for what I can’t see.
My energy is somehow existing
Even though my excuses are only tiring
All while my everything is somewhere following
Scaring my sanity into leaving
And myself barely breathing.
But I horde it all to myself
For the fear of dropping it when I ask for help
And so I leave it on the farthest place on my shelf
Only to just eat it later when I find someone to tell.
It grows and poisons inside of me
Filling with too much to even see
So an end I wish for, and to myself I plead
But i’m forced to stay and never flee.
Now I hold my secrets safe inside
While resenting my choices, but believing my lies
Until it all starts to pour out my eyes.
It floods over now
Then evaporates into a cloud
That becomes a storm to my thoughts that’s not as loud.
It lingers in and over my head
Fogging my sight, face heavy as lead
Suffocating air pacifies all feelings
Holding me in place and barely breathing
